Three Shorts
by Calcitrix
Summary: This is a collection of the first three stories written for the fanfic100 challenge at LiveJournal. Thought they weren't long enough to be individual stories, so here they are together. One romance, two humor.
1. Gumbo

"Alright, people. I want your full attention on this." Duke gave the group of Joes his most stern glare—eyebrows drawn together, lips pressed flat in a stern frown; the whole nine yards. Lady Jaye knew that look and immediately straightened in her chair. Most of the others continued to chatter, throw paper airplanes, and in general act like an unruly group of elementary school students at assembly. "Your full attention!" Duke barked, catching the eyes of a few members of the team who, were this truly school, might be considered the "special" students.

Duke shook his head and muttered under his breath. Lady Jaye and the others in the front row could make out the words "KP duty" and "give 'em to Beach Head." Duke cleared his throat. "The generals have long been considering adding a psychologist as a permanent member of the team. Hawk and I have discussed it, and we agreed that a professional psychiatric evaluation of the team might tell us whether or not this is necessary."

"Oh, come on, Duke! You already know we're crazy!" Ace yelled.

The sergeant continued, pretending not to hear Ace's comment. "We have called in Doctor Steinherz as an outside expert. He'll be here for the next three days…I expect everyone to be on their best behavior and to treat the Doctor as you would a visiting General." He paused, looking like he regretted his decision already. "Any questions?"

Lady Jaye raised her hand, and at Duke's nod asked, "Is Doctor Steinherz going to simply observe us, or actually conduct exams?"

"He will begin by only observing, but may, if necessary, call individuals into my office for an interview and or psychiatric evaluation." Duke scanned the group, but no one else seemed to have questions. "Dismissed. Doctor Steinherz will be here tomorrow morning."

The group of Joes scattered, eager to return to their usual evening activities. Duke caught Lady Jaye's eye and gestured her over. She approached her CO, having some idea what he was about to ask.

"Lady Jaye, you're our personnel clerk…I almost hate to ask, but I'd like you to be Doctor Steinherz's guide while he's here. I'm not supposed to interfere with his work; Hawk thinks that if I'm around all the time, the Joes won't be themselves." He sighed. "Which I think wouldn't be a bad thing, but…do you mind keeping an eye on the doctor? Make sure he doesn't get lost, help him read the duty roster and so on?"

She read into the pleading look on his face. The unspoken message was: "Steer him clear of Ace's poker games, the motor pool, Shipwreck, and anything else that might be a black mark against the team." She smiled and nodded her understanding. "Yes, sir. I think I can manage."

* * *

The first morning went smoothly. With Duke's speech fresh in their minds, the Joes were on their best behavior. Doctor Steinherz arrived early enough to observe the second half of Beach Head's PT, declining Lady Jaye's offer of coffee and breakfast in favor of heading out to the obstacle course.

The doctor, a rather rotund, balding man in his mid-fifties, watched the exercises without blinking, continually mumbling and jotting notes on his clipboard. Lady Jaye attempted to engage the doctor in conversation, but the man apparently wasn't a talker. She also tried to catch a glimpse of whatever he was writing, but he caught her at it immediately and retreated a few paces with a haughty sniff. She shrugged and gave him a wry smile. He furrowed his brows and scribbled on the clipboard, repeatedly glancing between her and the paper. It was very unnerving, but eventually PT was over, and Lady Jaye suggested they head toward the cafeteria.

Lunch was a disaster. Somehow Gung-Ho had been wrangled into cooking, and as usual he had prepared his bone-searing gumbo. Most of the Joes were used to the spicy fare by now, and some even considered it a pleasant change from tasteless MREs. Lady Jaye watched the doctor load his plate. "Um, sir, you might want to go easy on Gung-Ho's gumbo—it's got quite a kick." The man gave her a bland stare and took another ladleful.

"Hey, this guy knows good food when he smells it, Jaye," Gung-Ho quipped from behind the counter. The doctor looked up, seeming to notice the Cajun for the first time. He raised his eyebrows and pulled a small notebook from an inside pocket. Gung-Ho stared in disbelief as the man wrote a lengthy paragraph about him before putting the notebook away and continuing toward the tables.

Lady Jaye held back a moment to give Gung-Ho a reassuring smile, then turned to follow the doctor. She realized too late that he was heading directly toward the table containing Airtight, Tripwire, Bazooka, Alpine, Low Light, and Shipwreck. She couldn't think of a worse group that could be on base together at once. She took a seat across from the doctor, trying unobtrusively to warn the others with a fierce look that they needed to cut the usual stupid chatter. But of course these guys wouldn't understand a message not delivered with a kick to the shin.

"Hey! It's the good doctor…uh…" Shipwreck fumbled for the man's name.

"Sternheart," Bazooka supplied.

"It's Steinherz, dummy," Alpine corrected, giving Bazooka a jab in the shoulder.

"Rock heart," Tripwire commented. The others stared at him uncomprehendingly. "It's German," he added. "Steinherz means 'rock heart,' or 'heart of rock,' I guess. I just love etymology."

"Isn't that the study of insects?" Airtight asked.

"No, that's entomology," Low Light answered. "Etymology is the study of word origins."

Lady Jaye wished she could bang her head on the table. Or shoot the lot of them. Or both. None of the guys seemed to care that the doctor was scribbling furiously in his notebook. He hadn't even touched his food.

"Whatcha writin,' doc?" Shipwreck asked, leaning over toward the man. Doctor Steinherz pulled his notebook away, his large eyebrows conveying his displeasure at the intrusion. He tucked the notebook into its pocket with exaggerated care, then lifted his spoon to his mouth.

It took about five seconds for the heat to kick in. Doctor Steinherz's face turned first pink, then purple. His eyes flew wide open, and he gasped, "Water!"

He grabbed the nearest glass of clear liquid, putting it to his lips. Airtight only had time to shout, "That's not—" before the doctor sprayed the mouthful in a fine mist all over Lady Jaye. Doctor Steinherz managed a strangled chirp before toppling backwards off of his chair.

Lady Jaye leapt to her feet at the same time as Tripwire—who had grabbed a glass of milk—but Tripwire was closer. He made it nearly to the doctor's side just as Shipwreck scooted his chair back for a better look. Tripwire's foot tangled in the chair leg, and he and the glass of milk went sprawling over the psychiatrist. It had the unfortunate effect of causing the doctor to spew up his stomach's contents just as Lady Jaye made it around the table.

For almost an entire minute, the only sound in the cafeteria was that of Doctor Steinherz sputtering and coughing. The other Joes stopped their own chatter to glance up at the commotion. Shipwreck was hitting the doctor on the back, and Low Light had taken off at a dead run, presumably to get Doc. Lady Jaye looked down at her soiled uniform and could only think, _Duke's going to kill me_.

A crowd gathered as the two fallen men sat up. Lady Jaye looked up at Airtight. "What was in that glass? Was it poisonous?"

"It was only glycerin," Airtight replied with a shrug.

"Please tell me it wasn't nitroglycerine," she growled. The doctor's eyes grew huge, and he immediately stopped moving. Shipwreck backed away hastily.

"Nah, just the regular kind," the bomb expert replied.

In the ensuing silence, Tripwire commented, "Glycerin. From the Greek word, _gylkys_, meaning sweet." Lady Jaye turned a furious glare on him. "What?" He replied. "I'm just saying it's totally non-toxic. It's used as a sweetener."

Lady Jaye fixed her attention back on the doctor. "I'm sure you'll be fine," she reassured him. "Do you need anything?"

Doctor Steinherz's breathing had returned to almost normal. He shook his head emphatically and stood shakily.

Low Light returned with Doc in tow. "Did someone poison our guest already?" Doc asked calmly. He removed a few supplies from his bag, turning toward the psychiatrist. "Or was it just Gung-Ho's gumbo?"

"He took a sip of glycerine," Airtight told him. "But then he spit it out all over Lady Jaye."

"Then I tripped and fell on him," Tripwire added.

"And he puked all over Lady Jaye," Shipwreck finished.

"Is that all?" Doc asked, smiling. "Well, that's certainly nothing to worry about." He returned his equipment to his bag, preparing to leave. "Let me know if you start seeing spots," he said with a smile, "And if you see any pictures in them."

Doctor Steinherz stared at him, mouth hanging open. He didn't even bother to reach for his notebook. Without a word, he turned and walked from the room.

* * *

Duke stared out over the assembled Joes. This time, the room was silent, down to the last single soldier. "I can't believe it," Duke started. "This must be a record. Doctor Steinherz was on base for only five hours before being nearly killed." He started to pace.

"He wasn't nearly killed," Airtight stage-whispered. Lady Jaye smacked him on the head, aware of the expression on Duke's face. They had already explained what had happened, but it hadn't helped.

Duke focused his attention on Airtight. "You don't get to speak." He ran a hand through his already mussed hair. "Doctor Steinherz refused to stay any longer, and from what I heard of his muttering, he's going to recommend that the entire team be thrown in the nuthouse. After the fiasco at lunch today, I very nearly agree with him. And that's not even taking into consideration that you were all eating Gung-Ho's cooking."

Duke stopped pacing and leaned toward his very attentive audience. "Obviously Hawk won't let anything happen to the team. However," his voice lowered, and the Joes in the back of the room had to strain to hear. "We are without a doubt going to have a psychologist assigned to the team now. And if he ever tells me to put one of you in a straight jacket, I'm not going to argue."


	2. Middles

Flint reached around Lady Jaye and nuzzled her neck. "How were things on base while I was gone?" he asked. Unfortunately, she was on duty, or he would be doing other things rather than talking.

"Mmmm…things were pretty quiet," she answered, leaning back into him.

"No surprise attacks? Inspections? Drills at three a.m.?" Flint chuckled. "Why do those only happen when I'm here?" Not waiting for an answer, he continued to chat with her, catching up after his month-long absence. "And how did Bazooka's weight loss regimen go?"

Lady Jaye laughed, blushing a little. "Ah, well…"

* * *

She had been surprised when Doc had summoned her to his office a month ago, arriving only to find Bazooka seated across from Doc's desk. The man had been looking rather glum, not even looking up as she came through the door.

"Thank you for coming down here, Lady Jaye," Doc had said. "I've got a request for you." Doc had gone on to explain that Beach Head felt that Bazooka needed to lose some weight, and that he hadn't been keeping up with the others in PT. Doc had wanted Lady Jaye's help instigating the diet. "It shouldn't be too hard on you, Jaye. Just let me know if Bazooka breaks the rules."

He had then turned a stern gaze on Bazooka. "You are to eat exactly what Lady Jaye eats every day—and no more," Doc had ordered. "In addition, if Lady Jaye spends an hour working out, running, or lifting weights, you will spend an hour doing the same thing. No cheating and no shortcuts, Bazooka. Do I make myself clear?"

Bazooka had given a small sad nod, asking, "How long?"

Doc had answered, "One month, for starters. We'll see what progress you've made and decide from there."

Bazooka had caught up with Lady Jaye in the hallway. "Can we go to dinner now?"

* * *

Flint laughed at Lady Jaye's expression. "What?" He asked. "Didn't Bazooka lose enough weight?"

She bit her lips and looked down at the floor. "Not exactly. I may not have been the right person to choose as Bazooka's role model."

"You eat the most sensibly of almost any person I know," he protested. "What went wrong?"

"I felt sorry for him," she explained. "He kept bugging me to have dessert every night, and to watch TV instead of going to the gym. Once he even woke me up in the middle of the night to go raid the kitchen."

Flint was trying not to smile, knowing how persistent Bazooka could be, especially with regard to food. "So? What happened?"

Lady Jaye threw Flint a _don't you dare laugh_ look and replied, "We both gained seven pounds."

Flint held it in for about five seconds, but finally had no choice. He burst into laughter and reached forward slowly to poke a finger into Lady Jaye's stomach. She slapped his hand away, glaring, but the corners of her mouth were twitching into a smile. Flint's laughter finally subsided, and he pulled her close again. "I'll help you work it off later…" he whispered suggestively.

"Good. Just make sure to let Bazooka know," she answered, pretending to miss the innuendo. She smiled at Flint's confused expression and continued, "Doc decided that you would make a much better role model…"


	3. Fall

Disclaimers: I don't own these characters. I don't profit from them.

_Northwest corner. Midnight._ Lady Jaye frowned down at the small corner of torn paper she had pulled from her jacket pocket. She turned it over, but there was no other writing. Her eyes crinkled in a brief smile and her hand closed around the message, tucking it back into the pocket.

She made her way back to her room, tossing the jacket aside. She made and consumed a quick dinner, following it with a long, warm bath. After dressing again, she checked the clock, then sat down with one of her favorite novels, glancing toward the glowing numbers every fifteen minutes or so. At 11:45, she closed the book, switched out the light, and headed toward one of the smaller base exits.

The moon was rising in an otherwise dark sky, casting long, pale shadows on the ground. There were no trees rising above the horizon, only the low black shapes of the buildings. A light flashed twice, revealing a section of metal wall. The flashing became a steady glow, masked for a moment by the edge of the door, which closed again with a quiet click. The light flashed again, once, and was dark. Lady Jaye stepped away from the wall, striding toward the fencing that surrounded the base. She slowed upon nearing the corner, stopping at a sudden noise that sounded like the rustling of leaves.

"Flint?" the she whispered.

"Over here," his voice replied. Flint stood, revealing himself, features washed of all color by the moonlight. His posture was relaxed, but gave the sense that he was intimately aware of his surroundings, of every small movement and noise: the scurry of a tiny lizard, chasing after an insect; the hum of a bat passing over head; the figure moving toward him in the dark. As Lady Jaye stepped closer, his awareness changed its focus, becoming a sharp pinpoint centered on her.

Flint reached for her hand, then resumed his seated position on the ground, gently pulling Lady Jaye down beside him. Her eyes widened for a moment at the crackle of leaves and the feel of soft wool beneath her. "Where did you get leaves?" she asked, wonder tingeing her voice. "There aren't any trees around here!"

He gave a deep, throaty chuckle and leaned closer. "I shipped a big box to the base the last time I was home. I was raking the yard, and I remembered how you said that you always missed the change of seasons out here in the desert."

Lady Jaye dug under the blanket and brought up a handful of the crisp autumn leaves. Taking a deep breath, she sighed and let them fall through her fingers. "Mmmm…I love that smell. Fall has always been my favorite time of year." She glanced sideways at her companion, giving him a sly smile. "You did all of this for me?"

"I'm kind of hoping I might enjoy it, too," Flint murmured softly in her ear.

"Duke would throw a gasket if he knew we were out here," Lady Jaye told him. "The 'lights out' status means that Cobra might be gunning for the base. No exterior lights and all personnel inside at all times."

"We'd hear an alarm in plenty of time," Flint whispered, "And I couldn't think of a better opportunity to be outside and away from prying eyes." His hand found the zipper at the front of her uniform and gave it a sharp tug. She gasped as the cool air hit exposed skin, and Flint moved his mouth over the area, his breath soft and warm against the rising goosebumps on her collarbone.

Her eyes closed at the pleasure of it, and she traced her fingers through his hair. His mouth moved up her neck, eliciting a quiet sigh. She dipped her chin to bring their mouths together, lips brushing lightly in a gentle teasing way. Flint smiled briefly, then applied enough pressure to push her back against the blanket. The leaves rustled under her as she settled her full weight on them, and she breathed deep as the smell of the leaves became stronger.

"This was really sweet of you," she told him, stretching out on the blanket. His eyes glinted in amusement and desire, his breath quickening as he held her gaze. He reached blindly behind him and brought forth a second blanket, which he threw over them.

"Don't want to get cold." His teeth flashed white in a quick grin. Despite the dark, Flint's hands moved confidently to work at her clothing, removing the barriers between them. The air under the blanket was quickly heated by their bodies; Lady Jaye gave a grateful sigh and snuggled closer to him.

They lay together for a few moments, skin to skin, quiet, and still enough that the small animal noises resumed their nightly pattern. Flint broke the silence, his words falling as lightly as shadows across her skin. "I love you."

She answered him with a kiss, sliding her arms around his shoulders and holding him close. They moved together then, shadows merging, lines between them becoming blurred. The moon moved slowly across the sky, bathing the lovers in both shadow and light as their sighs merged with the sound of the desert wind.

Flint held Lady Jaye close, his head resting on her shoulder, eyes closed. She idly traced the outlines of his features, letting her fingers follow the familiar paths. His breathing eased, nearing the soft, regular pattern of sleep. "I love you, too," she whispered, feeling the corners of his mouth turn up in a smile under her fingertips. She brushed her own lips over his forehead, resting her cheek on his hair.

He stirred, nuzzling her neck for a moment before giving a short sigh. "I don't think it would be a good idea to fall asleep out here," he chuckled. She nodded, but didn't move.

"How did you slip the note into my pocket without my noticing it?" she asked him.

"I have my ways."

She tickled his chest, dislodging the blanket from around their shoulders. He caught her in a firm hug, trapping her arms. She struggled playfully for a moment, then shivered and gasped, "Cold!"

Flint laughed and sat up, groping for the discarded clothing. They dressed quickly and gathered the blankets, walking back to the base, moving slowly, hand in hand. They stopped short of the wall, looking up at the moon and sharing a last long kiss. The light above the door flashed again as they reentered, leaving the night behind them. In the corner of the base, a small animal burrowed into the warm pile of leaves they had left behind.


End file.
